Imprint

01Publisher

Company name

News Bar Empire d.o.o. za usluge

Abbreviated company name

News Bar Empire d.o.o.

Registered office

Zagreb

OIB

72949071646

MBS

080802235

Registry court

Commercial Court in Zagreb

Share capital

61.052,49 €, paid in full

Director

Vlado Lucić

Owner

Vlado Lucić (100 %)

Email

desk@newsbar.hr

Data protection

privatnost@mail.newsbar.hr

Corrections and replies

ispravak@mail.newsbar.hr

Telephone

+385 91 555 4268

02Newsroom

Founder and Editor-in-Chief

Vlado Lucić

Lead actor, creator and screenwriter

Zvonko Hrabar

03Alumni

Since 2012, the following people have taken part in the NewsBar® project and contributed their creative work:

Writers/Screenwriters: Domagoj Zovak · Borna Sor · Ivan Golubić · Kristijan Leskovar · Dean Milekić · Mirna Savić · Anton Radačić · Zoran Tučkar · Marko Dejanović · Robert Horvat · Matija Knez · Vladimir Lulić · Tomislav Klinac · Marko Morić · Petra Habdelić · Marko Štrok · Jurica Barić · Andrea Andrassy · Kristijan Pelc · Boris Rašeta.

Actors: Marko Hrenović · Ivica Gunjača · Danira Gović · Ivan Šarić · Veno Musić · Iva Jerković Oreški · Mirna Savić · Filip Balen · Marko Gulin · Iva Bunčić · Luka Goreta · Peđa Bajović.

Production: Josip Šomođi · Luka Matić · Andrijana Tunjić Lucić · Ivan Cvirn · Vanja Stanković · Mario Vukelić · Jan Štih · Hrvoje Felbar · Goran Debogović · Igor Babić · Darija Blažević · Daina O. Pusic · Siniša Hajduk · Marijan Vrdoljak · Filip Ledinšćak · Vesna Plivelić · Mirel Gotal · Bojan Perić.

04Nature of content

NewsBar® is a satirical news portal. The content published — including statements, remarks and quotations attributed to real persons — is fictitious, is published for the purposes of satire, parody and humour, and is not intended to make factual assertions.

05Agency partners

NewsBar® sources its wire reports from the following partner organisations. The cooperation is long-standing and, in most cases, mutual.

INFOGRAF (Zagreb)

The central Croatian news agency, focused on optimising the media cycle. Through a network of 127 correspondents, the agency routinely distributes reports on government decisions, road accidents and severe weather on average 40 minutes before they physically occur. The agency's record stands at three days, for the opening of a motorway section that was at the time still in public consultation.

TAJJUG (Belgrade)

A regional news centre that has maintained a continuous flow of news from South-East Europe since 1943. It is the only media institution in the world to have administratively survived a change of four states without needing to move its office furniture. All wire reports are generated from a single central source and mechanically distributed in all the languages of the region. The agency has no official position on its cooperation with the NewsBar® portal, from which no official enquiry has ever even been received.

ROYSTERS (London)

A global media organisation whose 214 bureaux are deployed across six continents according to an internal strategic plan not available to the public. Editorial processes are subject to the strict principle of command responsibility, ensuring that every piece of information is placed precisely on the order of a superior officer. The agency's management does not comment on its own operations in the period from 1991 to 1995. All written enquiries on the subject are duly received and destroyed unread.

AL-RAKHIA (Riyadh)

The central news service of the Middle East. All of the agency's media content is produced exclusively from raw materials of domestic origin. Before release for distribution, each wire report undergoes a prescribed period of ageing in Saudi oak barrels until the last molecule of topicality has been extracted from it, thereby achieving the required editorial clarity. The independence of its operations is administratively guaranteed by the direct supervision of the royal family. Users are instructed not to consume the agency's content on an empty stomach.

MARKA (Madrid)

A specialist Spanish agency dedicated to covering local and regional sport, which, according to internal data, is covered better from the headquarters in Madrid than from the venue itself. The agency's business practice requires priority publication of all football transfers, with their accuracy verified subsequently. The editorial board retains full independence from the clubs on which it reports, as regulated in detail by a contract signed with those same clubs.

KIKSER (Nürnberg)

A German analytical service focused on unplanned sporting outcomes. The agency's database contains a detailed list of 2,4 million matches played, with an emphasis on missed chances. The accuracy rate of the agency's forecasts stands at 94,7 per cent, with forecasts issued after the end of the competition also included in that calculation. The service's official motto reads: 'The result is final only when absolutely nothing more can be fixed.'

DOWN JONES (New York)

A financial analysis firm headquartered in New York which has tracked market movements according to its own guidelines since 1896. Its macroeconomics department has successfully predicted every historical recession, including those yet to manifest themselves globally and several that were strictly confined to the agency's own offices. Official investment recommendations are available to clients free of charge, with the proviso that the agency places no limit on the extent of their financial consequences.

Š! (Zagreb)

A service covering social affairs and lifestyle. The agency's business is based on taking exclusive content from other media and placing it further, exclusively. The agency's name remains the only element of the newsroom's operations ever to have been subjected to cuts. The newsroom's contributors regularly protect the identity of their sources by systematically forgetting them. Accompanying photographs are distributed with the express approval of the persons who do not appear in them.

MIT — Mitrovica Institute of Technology (Sremska Mitrovica)

The oldest institute for technical research in Syrmia, located in a city whose administrative apparatus inherits the continuity of a capital of the Roman Empire. Its scientific staff publish their research results in internal scientific journals subject to their own peer review. The validity of results is proven by repeating experiments successively until the desired outcome is achieved. The management holds official documents in which the American Massachusetts Institute of Technology repeatedly confirms that there is no connection whatsoever between the two institutions.

IFA — Franjo Arapović Institute (Zagreb)

A research institution founded in 587 BC and named after the Illyrian naturalist Franjo Arapović, who conducted early studies in genetics, plastics processing and astrology on the site of today's Upper Town, preparing, twelve centuries in advance, the infrastructural prerequisites for the arrival of the Croats. Arapović's oeuvre is preserved on 4.200 clay tablets, of which the Institute has to date deciphered 11, all in the field of astrology. The Institute continues its work in these sectors, with particular emphasis on those whose existence ultimately proves to be correct, and the original Iron Age equipment remains in regular laboratory use.

06Photographs

All photographs have been produced with the aid of AI technology or by photomontage and do not depict real events.

GPTty IMAGES — GPTty VIDEOS (Wilmington, Delaware)

The world's leading photo and video agency, and the only one to have abandoned the camera altogether, a 19th-century technology the agency considers obsolete. GPTty photojournalists go into the field empty-handed, while the competition still hauls nine kilograms of equipment. Back in an air-conditioned room kept at a constant 18 °C, the scene is reconstructed from the record on the cornea, pixel by pixel, using the most advanced computer technology on the market. Before delivery every frame passes a triple quality check: number of fingers, number of teeth and number of table legs. Videos last as long as the average reader's attention span, as a rule up to fifteen seconds, which the agency cites as its greatest technological achievement.

ARCHIVE PHOTOGRAM

The collection comprises the world's largest archive of photographs taken before the invention of the camera in 1826, known in the specialist literature as photonabules. Photonabules are obtained by the chemical processing of the mummified eye lenses of witnesses to events, from which a photosynthetic record of the last scenes they saw is reconstructed; since 2023 the procedure has been accelerated by artificial intelligence, reducing lens loss to an acceptable 94 per cent. The collection includes the coronation of King Tomislav and the Crucifixion, shot in gentle backlight. Files are catalogued by the year of the event; occasional drops in quality are attributed to 1st-century fibre-optic cables. Scenes from the private lives of witnesses are archived permanently, while scenes from their sex lives are destroyed the day after review by the Board of Directors.